"Ville Valo's Top 10 Sex Rules"
The HIM frontman's guide etiquette
1. Backdoor Love Is For Losers
"When I'm making love I have to see my girlfriend's face. I mean a position like The Wheelbarrow might be interesting and esoteric, but let's just say I don't like gardening. It's not my cup of tea."
2. The Missionary Position Is King
"See, for me it's the missionary position and that's it. My problem is I never have casual sex. I've always been dating the girls I've been with. I'm a boring youngster. I guess - more into romanticism. If you wanted to be more adventurous you could try the lotus position - my girlfriend's just started doing yoga."
3. Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness
"Always remember to take a shower before sex. Our bass player never showers. He doesn't brush his teeth either, so it's pretty easy for us to know if he's been doing something, uh, dirty. You can smell it. And our drummer wanks on the tour bus which I don't consider to be a healthy pursuit, particularly since we're always passing out drunk in each other's bunks. You don't know what you've slept on."
4. Porn Is Overrated
"I used to work in my dad's sex shop in the early days of HIM, so I've seen most porn. Most American porn is very basic: missionary, doggy style, then anal, then squirting it, like, whatever. It's all the same and most is pretty boring. Scandinavian porn is better - Finland is the realm of porn."
5. Ride 'Em Cowboy
"The Rodeo position is the winner, because you hold on to your ride one handed! Then you can do other things with your free hand; roll a cigarette, read the paper, do a few lines or throw your lassoo and Stetson. I haven't done that one in a while, though, because I've been looking for the right boots. That's basically the reason HIM tours a lot. You just can't get the proper boots in Finland."
6. Sex Toys Are No Substitute For The Real Thing
"I'm still a young bloke. I haven't passed 'level three' yet. Basically that's when you get bored of having sex, so you start buying all the little gadgets to spice it up. I've nothing against sex toys; I just don't find them interesting. I'm still happy just to have a warm body next to me."
7. Don't Get Hung Up On Bondage
"I'm not into bondage at all, I would hate to see myself being tied up. My fetish is my girlfriend. I love her toes, her knees, her back, everything about her. Do I know friends with strange fetishes? That would be telling and Helsinki is a small city. Although our bass player is totally hooked on lace. He even had lace curtains in his car."
8. Free Your Ass And Your Mind Will Follow
"When we're on tour, we check out shit-eating films. That's the best, that's where you really test your sanity! Psychologically it's very interesting. I guess people haven't passed their 'anal phase' - as Freud might say. It's a pretty natural thing really. And true spiritual emancipation if you think about it - you just let go"
9. 'Self-Love' Is Good Love
"Wanking is always a good thing, especially on tour. It relaxes you, and I don't want to have wet dreams, especially on the tour bus. We get hotel rooms every now and then, so we're like 'save your wanking for that'. Which might explain why out Pay TV bills are always huge."
10. Use Cigarettes Wisely
"When you smoke it doesn't go well with ones erection. It cogs up all the tiny veins - bad for the boner! I have a cigarette pack saying, 'smoking can damage the sperm and decrease fertility' so I consider cigarettes to be my condom. That's how I avoid unwanted pregnancies."